Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
