so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
