Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
