I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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