You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
