he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
