Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
