I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
