I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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