The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
