dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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