so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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