It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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