I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
