just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
