i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
