I'm really into asian looking animals
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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