allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
