I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
