Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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