the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
