Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
