Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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