My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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