can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
