So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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