Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
