yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
