she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
