I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
