her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The ass gains better be worth it
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