Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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