i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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