Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
