She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
