You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
