That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
