But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
ugly people sure do ruin things
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
