Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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