You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
