Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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