Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
