i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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