his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
