I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
