Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
