I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
