i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
