kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
