Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
